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The Terror of Transitioning Home from the NICU |
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Written by Lauren Snyder
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Friday, 17 March 2006 |
Hi [Preemie-l Member],
Thanks for posting your honest feelings. It's been awhile since I've heard
someone talk about how difficult it is to bring your preemie home.
Unfortunately, it's just one of those things you have to go through to get
to the "other side". In other words, you'll grow accustomed to things soon.
I think I saw in another post that you'll be getting home health services? I
LIVED for my home health visits. It was such a nice sanity check! We had a
great nurse and she was there as much for me as she was for Brooke (my
preemie).
Since RSV season is winding down, maybe you can have some others help you
out with the baby, travel with you on some doctors visits and just let you
vent and unwind about how stressful and miserable it all is right now.
I just remember it was a total nightmare the first couple of weeks. The next
several months were difficult too, but the first couple of weeks left me
truly "freaked out". Over time I had a better handle on medications,
equipment, visually gauging my daughter instead of relying on a monitor that
was going off all the time, how to travel and sleep and some of my own
emotions. It got worse before it got better.
I was so exhausted. I was up all night long dispensing medications and
ensuring she was still breathing. I was so afraid she'd pass away under my
watch. At the hospital I could go home and sleep nights (after she
stabilized) to get my energy to deal with the day. Once Brooke came home it
was high stress non stop. No one to understand, no one to visit, no one
could give relief. Even my own husband was barely a relief because he
didn't understand the signs of distress to look for or her medications. He's
her full time daily caregiver now and they are best buddies. But back
then...I was desparate for help. I longed for the days I had daily
assistance in her care and since I stayed at the Ronald McDonald House, I
(as the mom) had daily meals and assistance too that I was now also
responsible for. I just wanted a break that was all!!!
Hang in there! Vent away! I recognize where you are at in your preemie
journey. However, I don't want to trivialize what you are feeling just
because it's a normal, recognizable part of the preemie journey. It's a
place that is truly miserable. Find your life line! (A home health nurse,
your mom, a close friend willing to be truly helpful - not just social,
friends you can call on the phone, lists of medical personnel to call for
medical equipment, medication dispensing schedule so you don't have to
remember it all, a journal, etc.)
Things will stabilize. It gets better. In fact, it gets fun and joyous.
Soon you'll have giggles and snuggles and ... sleep!! ;-) Yesterday was my
preemie's third birthday! It's such a huge milestone that only people on
this list can truly understand. It was the date that lived in the back of my
mind as the 'safe' age. I can't wait until she's three I'd always tell
myself when I was dispensing meds or quarantined in the home or waiting in a
doctors office, or cringing just before her RSV shots. Three is great and
I'm so proud of Brooke for just making it here to this date. She's awesome.
But, you know, now I feel like any other Mom as I look back at her baby
pictures and miss those days of infant giggles and snuggles and first words
and walks in the stroller, etc...
Go kiss your son! Know that we're all thinking of you in your difficult
transition from the NICU.
Lauren
Mom to Brooke (born 26.5wks now 3yrs - sniffle, sniffle) and Brandon (born
38wks now 10.5months) |
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 25 March 2006 )
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