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Written by Lauren Snyder
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Tuesday, 13 January 2004 |
[Preemie-l Member],
I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your, "2.5 months and counting" posts because I
relate to them so much. I have felt so isolated for so long...it's driving
me nuts. It is so nice to be able to read someone else lamenting the
isolation!!
In my case, I just seem to get more and more isolated. It started with a
move from the city (Phoenix) a couple years ago to the country (Vermont).
From the hot, live outside and be very active lifestyle to the it's freezing
cold, what can you possibly due all winter to entertain yourself lifestyle.
From my owning my own car, to sharing one car between my husband and myself.
From being super independent to sort of living someone else's lifestyle... I
left behind all my family and friends and super-busy lifestyle (I would
usually leave home around 7am and not come home until 10pm or later) to
marry my husband who had settled himself in his "home" state of Vermont
where an occasional movie and trips to Costco were considered "going out".
Then I have my preemie daughter (who I am SO grateful to have...but when I
get grouchy about having to stay home my husband - sweet as he is -
pointlessly points out that he's just grateful we still have her) who then
isolates me EVEN MORE and requires that I cancel my long planned "respite
trip" home to Arizona and stay inside ALL the time.
I have long thought my guardian angels are having a good laugh at me. You
know how you have that list of things you really hope you don't have to deal
with in your lifetime...You know it goes like this: "OK, I can handle such
and such yucky occurrence in life, just don't let me have to deal with such
and such". Well, this degree of isolation would be my such and such.
Actually, I thought I was suffering TERRIBLY with the isolation of having to
move to the country and wanted sympathy for THAT!! (Which local, country
people don't sympathize with BTW, hehe. I've had to learn not to lament my
missing my city ways to them) I guess, I didn't learn my lesson...it REALLY
could get more isolating. What was I whining for?
Now I wonder what could be more isolating than having to stay home all
winter. I thought that perhaps I have hit bottom and it can only go up from
here...RIGHT? Uh oh. Then the thought came. As soon as I am able to go out
with my daughter, I'll get pregnant again, have it be a high risk pregnancy
and I'll be on full bedrest. THAT will isolating.
Since I'm still whining about having to stay home this winter...bedrest just
might be in my future. I obviously haven't learned how good I have it yet.
;-)
Meanwhile to cope, I do this:
My husband works more or less 2nd shift hours. So I run all the family
errands in the morning. I used to hate errands. Now I LOVE them. In an
effort not to eat everything in my home (I'm still trying to loose 20lbs
from the baby I had 10 months ago) I allow myself one soda in the car as I
run my errands. When I'm feeling particularly naughty/frisky it's
...caffeinated. WooHoo! I am best friends now with my postal clerks, bank
clerks, and quickie mart clerks!! I LOVE talking about the weather. "Sure is
cold, out" - "Oh yes, let's talk all about it!" And I can sing all the
words to my old CDs. I'm even developing a taste for country music on the
radio. It never would have happened if I had stayed as busy as I always was
in the past. Ah! The rainbow in the clouds.
The last couple weeks, I've gone off to see a movie on Saturday afternoon by
myself. Although, my husband hopes to not have that one continue, because
I'm gone too long. But it was nice. I got to see my girlie movie: "Mona Lisa
Smile". Yesterday, my SIL, who I don't know super well...came over with a
Lasagne and we had a "spa day" like teenagers. I thought that was very
thoughtful. Although, we rarely have people over to our home other than our
home health nurse.
I have thought of creating a calendar and crossing off the days...but
something about that has kept me from doing it yet...I'm not sure what it
is. I was encouraged the other day when I realized we are only a couple
weeks away from Brooke's 4th synagis shot, and I think there are only 6 or 7
of those. So I guess, marking milestones has helped too. Completing a
personal project with an end date of when you can start taking your kids
out, might help you stay focused on something positive instead of drowning
in negative thoughts, but I recognize that's not a social activity.
Also, I've just started going to my local MOPS group. I love all the ladies
there and work hard not to talk a mile a minute when I'm there. (I have LOTS
of socializing to catch up on). Because my husband goes to work later in the
day he watches the baby while I go.
As far as church goes, we used to go every week as a family. Now my husband
and I switch off. He goes one week and I stay home with the baby. I go the
next week.
We ALWAYS wash hands upon returning and don't hang around anyone sick - to
help prevent ourselves from catching anything someone else might have.
And of course writing long emails to my preemie-list group and all my online
friends is pretty cool too. Never could have done it with a super busy
schedule.
Well, I hope this was helpful in some form to you. Your lamenting actually
encourages ME and helps me feel less alone in my struggle through the
isolation. THANKS!
Lauren
Mom to Brooke (ex 26.5wkr; now 10mos actual; 7mos adjusted)
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